Monday, November 14, 2005

Gone

To the people who are so precious to all of us:

We have been very cautious in the past few weeks to abide by Shelly’s wishes regarding the situation at hand. We will continue to abide by those wishes, no matter how hard they seem to us right now.

This morning, shortly after nine, we watched Shelly be welcomed into the arms of God. Although our hearts are beyond repair right now, we know that Shelly is rejoicing in being with the people she loved more than life itself.

Thank you so much for the support, prayers, words of encouragement and friendship over the past several months. It is greatly appreciated and certainly carried us through our ‘wars’.

During the past four years, we have learned so much from each of you. We are glad you have shared in our journey, but our grief will be private. Thru Shelly and before that, Shar, you all have been welcomed into our deepest trenches. We couldn’t have made it without all of your thoughts and prayers. Now, we ask that you continue to pray for those that love Shelly so much as we try to figure out life without the four people who made it worth living for.

It is with great sadness that I tell you this will be the last posting. Shelly took great pride in leaving Shar’s page untouched by anyone else and we would like to honor Shelly in that same manner. Her words and feelings will remain here, untouched by our sorrow in losing her.

God bless you all.

35 Comments:

Anonymous Marla said...

As I have been so often in the last few weeks, I'm at a total loss for what to say. Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and that Shelly will be missed in my life. I didn't know her for a long time, but knew her and loved her through her mother. My heart goes out to you. If there's anything I can do, please don't hesitate to call.

12:11 AM  
Anonymous Joan said...

I am totally lost as to what to say and so shaken by your post. I am so very sorry for the loss of Shelly and all of the loved ones that you have lost in the last couple of years. You strength is truly an inspiration.

I would like to offer my prayers for the family and the hope that the memories of the amazing wife, mother, daughter and sister will provide some comfort in a time of such devestation.

God bless you all,
Joan

10:48 AM  
Anonymous Lauren said...

Shellfish,

I already miss you.

Lauren

11:10 AM  
Blogger ria said...

Momma, I miss you. I love you. I don't know what to do without you. Thank you for George, she will forever be a special reminder of what you have done, who you are, and why God gave you to me. I love you.

2:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ria,
I am a longtime reader of Shelly's, we exchanged comments a few times on each other's blogs. I am so sad to hear that she is gone. I am just... in shock. Not knowing what happened, I will not press you for what I'm sure are painful details. But please know, my thoughts and prayers are with you, this family that has born so much in the last few years. I can't fathom what place you're all in right now, and I am deeply sorry for your loss. Hold on tight to each other, and remember that you are hedged in with the prayers of hundreds of people touched by Shelly. Take care of your hearts.

Sincerely,
Shannon (http://apog.nolablogs.org)

9:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I too was a faithful reader of Shelly's. I am so lost as to what to think or say but I offer all my prayers to her family - she seemed like such a wonderful, strong woman.

Though I don't know what happened, I am sure she has now found her peace, and for that I am thankful.

Stacey
canehdien@gmail.com

12:11 PM  
Anonymous Douglas and Kate said...

Ben and Family,

It has taken a number of days before I was able to even voice my feelings and now, just when I know what I want to say, it sounds pointless.

We will continue to keep your precious family in our prayers.

Love,
Douglas and Kate
FBC-Cambridge

2:50 PM  
Anonymous Rob@FBC said...

You have all been on my mind today and I have spent some time alone trying to put together what I want to say.

I want to tell you how much I loved her smile. I want to tell you that I know she knew she was loved, just by the way she looked at you all. I want to tell you about the time she asked me the question that changed my faith.
I should tell you how Shelly would message me late at night, just to say she was glad I cared. I should tell you how she sent me things to take to her sister's gravesite. I need to tell you that life does go on. I need to tell you that she is happier than she has ever been. I need to tell you that despite this heartache that you feel right now, at some point, you will laugh again when recalling memories of Shelly.

These are the things I need to tell you. This is what I want you to hang on to, hope. Hope that she is happy, hope that she is safe, hope that she is with the people she gave her life for.

Even in my position, I am having trouble having that hope. I can only imagine how hard it is for you all right now. Please know that my door, my heart, my shoulder is always available, always.

I will see you soon.

With great love,
Rob@FBC

7:55 PM  
Anonymous Leslie said...

So many before me have said that the words don't seem to flow right in this case. They don't. I am lost as to what to say.

Only in the last three days have I learned what actually has happened in the last three months. It breaks my heart that Shelly didn't feel that she could share it with us, some of her closest friends.

I got to know Shelly thru Shar, after I lost my own daughter. Shar (Shelly's mother) helped to guide me thru the darkest days of my life. During that time, I grew to love Shelly and the rest of the family, very much. After Shar's death, I spoke with Shelly on an almost daily basis. I made a promise to Shar that I would watch over her, I tried to do my best.

A few months ago, after the death of her Aunt Kay, Shelly told me that she couldn't handle any other heartbreak. She told me she loved me, but that she couldn't be hurt the way she had watched her Aunt Sophie be hurt (by an on-line friend). I respected Shelly's choices, but never stopped praying for her or checking in here. I made a promise to Shar and I wasn't about to go against it, nor was I going to go against Shelly's wishes.

In the past few days, I have had the chance to speak at great length with her Aunt Sophie. I now know what happened to break Shelly's heart and change her view about on-line relationships. I also know why she hid what was going on in her life. It hurts my heart to think that she thought she was alone in her battle.

I am a mother, a very protective mother. Although this is neither the place or time for this, I'm going to say it anyway. I may not be Shelly's mother, but I loved her (and always will) with a mother's love. There is someone out there tonight who hurt Shelly, hurt her to the point that she didn't feel safe sharing a part of her life that she needed our support most in.

To that person...I have no words. I can only hope that if you are ever in the place that Shelly has been for the last few months, that you are not faced with the same fears she had, all due to you.

I pray that tonight, as she dances in the Heavens, that she has a clear understanding of just how much she is loved. I pray that she never knows how much she is already missed, for that would bring her great sorrow.

My heart goes out to you and you will remain in my prayers.

Love,
Leslie

8:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Shellfish,

I just spent the evening with your Dad and your Aunt Sophie, along with what seems like a zillion other people. We did what I do best...TALKED!!!

There were lots of tears, a few bits of laughter, but most of all, bunches of love for you. As much as it hurt to sit and hear about your final days, I must admit that I laughed until my stomach hurt when I heard what you did to your dad that final night.

Shellfish, in the days to come, I know there will be many more tears. I just want to let you know that we love you and that not all of them are tears of heartache. Some of the just may be tears of praise when we realize the gifts that you have left us with.

I will always love you.
Lauren

11:14 PM  
Anonymous Monica C. said...

I have been reading this site for some months and am devastated to hear the news of Shelly's passing. My thoughts and prayers are with the entire family. God bless,

6:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

She was my mentor.

She was my inspiration.

She was my last hope that something in this crazy world might be okay.

I miss her.

Julie

9:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

On behalf of Shelly's family:

Perhaps you sent a lovely card,
Or sat upon a chair.
Perhaps you sent beautiful flowers.
If so, we saw them there.
Perhaps you spoke the kindest words that any friend could say.
Perhaps you were not there at all, just thought of us today.
Whatever you did to console our hearts, we thank you so much, whatever your part.

9:20 PM  
Anonymous Marla said...

Ben, Sophie and Alex,

I've spent the last week struggling to come to terms with what seems to be an ongoing battle with God over what I feel is right and is wrong. I know the battle is within myself and only time will change how I feel.

Thank you so much for making me a part of your lives, and Sophie, I can't find the words to thank you enough for keeping me informed day to day on how Shelly was doing. I had thought that the knowing would make it easier in the end, I've found out that it really doesn't matter one way or another if we know or if we don't. Our hearts get broken just the same.

I miss my chats with Shelly, I hope you know that I tried very hard to convince her that she could fight and win this battle, and how devastated I am that she didn't.

My thoughts and prayers are with you, as well as my love.

"I miss you Shelly. I hope you've found the peace you needed."

All my love,
Marla

12:09 PM  
Anonymous Lindsey Robbins said...

To the family:

Shelly would have loved the outcome of the service. Everything was near perfect for her, from the words that were spoken to the songs that were sung. If it is possible to say, I truly think that Shelly was with us, watching it all unfold. (Dustin is laughing at me as I type this...he says he is sure she was with us, if we doubt it, we should remember the giant puddle and the ice cream delivery truck!)

I know I don't have the words to make it all better (even if Dustin thinks I might!), but I do want you all to know that my prayers will continue to be with each of you.

We love you. Please know that Dustin and I are only a phone call away.

Lindsay

8:37 PM  
Anonymous Tessa & Denver said...

Ben, Sophie, Alex, and the host of Shelly’s loved ones:

This afternoon, as I sat surrounded by my family, all I could think of was your dear family. I thought of Shelly and how much life hurts with all the losses that have happened in such a short span of time. My heart begin to cry out when I realized that my life will never be whole again, not until my final breath has been taken and I make my way to Heaven. Life will then be whole again, when I see Shar surrounded by Kay, Shelly, and Sara, when I can hear Kay's laughter, see Sara’s smile, and feel Shelly’s arms embrace me, then life will be whole once more.

I am so blessed, that is what Shar used to say. This afternoon, as I gazed at my family, I realized how blessed I am, but also how broken you all are, how broken we all are. I began to think of that last conversation I had with Shelly, shortly before her final days. She was breathless and said to me “ . . . Don’t give up hope, don’t let me break your faith.” I cannot help but come back to those words. As hard as it is to bypass the feeling of utter hopelessness, I am trying, for Shelly if no one else.

I will not tell you that I know how you all feel today. I can’t even begin to imagine the immensity of grief you are all feeling, the members of Shelly’s family and her close circle of friends. I know that the magnitude of my own grief is overwhelming when thinking of another day without (what Denver calls) Our Angels.

Please know that as always, today, and forever, you are each being held in my heart. My prayers are with you all. As so many have said before me, we are only a phone call away. We will see you on the 3rd.

As it has been said in times gone by...we have not forgotten, nor will we ever forget how blessed we are to have had them here, no matter how short their time was with us.

Missing Shelly more each day...

In God’s Peace,
Tessa & Denver

8:30 PM  
Anonymous Jane R. said...

Ben, Sophie, and Alex,

We just wanted you to know that we were thinking about you. We have prayed for each of you on a daily basis, knowing that God is the only prayer that will help you right now. Our words are an echo of our love, but I know it doesn't really help right now.

Please remember you are loved and that we, as all those who care about you, are only a phone call away. We will see you on Friday and look forward to being with your family.

With love,
Jane and Rush

3:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sophie and Family,

I wanted to let you know that you are in prayers, today most of all. I know each passing day is harder than the last, with certain marks thrown in that are unbearable.

I come here everyday, unsure of what to say, but wanting to just reach out and hug you.

I love you.

Maureen

10:02 AM  
Anonymous Tessa & Denver said...

Ben and Sophie,

Denver and I just wanted to take a moment to let you know how much we enjoyed being with you this past week. It was so good to laugh with you about silly things (Sophie, do you have ISSUES???).

No matter how hard it was, it was also good to cry with you both. The memories you allowed us to share with you will forever remain precious to us. We miss Shelly, Kay, Sara, and our Shar, but we know that our sorrow will never compare to your heartbreak.

We are sending our love from Boston and we miss you already. I will see you on the 27th. Until then, please know we are here if you need anything at all.

In God's Love,
Tessa & Denver

12:09 AM  
Anonymous Jane R. said...

Ben, Sophie, and Alex,

You are in our prayers today and always.

Love,
Jane and Rush

12:21 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

In the end, nothing we do or say in this lifetime will matter
as much as the way we have loved one another.

Daphne Rose Kingman

2:54 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sophie,

I don't know if you still read this or not, but after our conversation last night, I came here and read over every entry Shelly typed. As I read, I managed to both laugh and sob at the same time. The one thing that sticks out in my mind today? How much she loved you.

Please, I know you are weak and I know your words were true last night, but please, don't give in yet, okay? Some of us need you here, right now. Please don't give in.

I will be there the moment you tell me I can be. I love you.
Maureen

11:10 PM  
Anonymous Lauren said...

Shellfish,

I miss you so much. I can't understand how it has been over a month since you left us to join the Angels. It seems just like yesterday that your Dad called me to let me know that you went to your Mom. Each day gets harder to deal with, to cope with, to understand why or how this could have happened.

I'm sure you saw it, but I kept Emily this week for a few days while Alex took some time to observe your passing for himself. She is just like you, Shellfish. Her jabbering makes my heart ache for you. She needs her mom, Shelly. I won't let you down on the promise I made to you, but honestly, I wish you had never forced me to make this promise. I would have done anything for you, Shellfish, all you had to was ask. Why didn't you ask the right questions, Shelly? I get so angry at you, for leaving us. My senses come back and I realize that you wanted out more than you wanted to be here...and I can't blame you. I don't want to be here either.

I am having a hard time sleeping lately and someone suggested I try listening to audio-books. I am currently listening to "Dear Zoe" which is only proving to make me cry, not sleep. One quote that sticks out in my mind is this..."It's not that I'm missing you less...it's more like I'm finding a place to keep you."

Shellfish, help me find a place to keep you, okay?

I love you,
Lauren

12:39 AM  
Anonymous Jane R. said...

For Ben, Sophie, Alex, and all those who miss Shelly as much as I do:

I heard this driving home tonight. As I held onto the steering wheel, the tears fell. I knew, I knew this was what I was supposed to hear, to feel. That there will be better days. I just pray they come soon for all of us.

Better Days by the Goo Goo Dolls
"And you ask me what I want this year
And I try to make this kind and clear
Just the chance that maybe we'll find better days
Cause I don't need boxes wrapped in strings
And designer love and empty things
Just the chance that maybe we'll find better days

So take these words and sing out loud
Cause everyone is forgiven now
Cause tonight's the night the world begins again

I need someplace simple where we can live
And something only you can give
And that's faith and trust and peace while we're alive
And the one poor Child who saved this world
And there's ten million more who probably could
If we all just stopped and said a prayer for them

So take these words and sing out loud
Cause everyone is forgiven now
Cause tonight's the night the world begins again

I wish everyone was loved tonight
And somehow stop this endless fight
Just the chance that maybe we'll find better days

So take these words and sing out loud
Cause everyone is forgiven now
Cause tonight's the night the world begins again
Cause tonight's the night the world begins again"

Love,
Jane

5:08 PM  
Anonymous Lauren said...

Shellfish...

Your first birthday in Heaven...I can only imagine the party you must be having on today of all days. I baked your bread this morning and had tea while I waited for "Santa," all the while thinking of you.

I miss you, Shellfish.

Lauren

9:52 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Shelly,

Happy birthday!

Love,
Leslie and Family

4:14 PM  
Anonymous Tessa & Denver said...

I don't even know who to write this to...I just know I need to write it, in hopes that someone out there hears me and understands what I can't put into words.

Over the course of the past five years, events in all of our lives have unfolded with such force and speed that at times, I was unsure if any of us would make it out with any sanity left at all. We have gone from crisis to crisis at an unbelievable pace. I have been visiting both Ben and Sophie for the past few days and have had much time to regroup and think about the past events.

Life keeps going on for those of us left here, even when we are down on our knees begging for it to end. (I've been there and am there now. I know you all have been there, too.) I have watched this family lose everyone that brought joy into this world, leaving behind two amazingly strong souls, Ben and Sophie. I have watched people from all over the nation and the world come together to support this family and the needs that came with such tragedy.

The midnight emergency calls. The countless fund-raisers to bring awareness. The spur of the moment last wish trips. Nurses. New friends. Old, renewed friendships. Making food to freeze for chemo weeks. Cross country red-eye flights. Boxes of tissue. Hours of silent phone calls. Doing laundry when no one else thought of it. Making sure there was always something brewing to keep us going. Countless hospital admissions. Too many hours to keep track of sitting in clinic. Millions of tears shared, both alone and together. A steady hand to keep us upright. The hug that came at the right moment, the one that gave the strength to get thru the next moment.

I could go on for hours and never cover everything that needs to be said or everyone who needs mention. It has been said that it takes a village to raise a child...but in all truth, it has taken a village to carry this family thru the past years.

It is our wish that those of you who have been a part of the past few years know how much you are appreciated as we enter into this new period in our lives.

In God's Peace,
Tessa & Denver

2:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thankyou.
I accidently stumbled across shar's site, and in turn shelly's a few days ago. It may be too late to pray for them, but I want to thank them for sharing their lives. I've found myself crying often while reading their words, and sharing their stories. I wish I could have met them. I also wish I knew what had happened to them.
May god bless you and keep you.
Ana, Australia.

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