Wednesday, September 28, 2005


It's late/early and I can't sleep. No one is awake and I'm afraid to wake anyone. If I do, someone will worry that something is wrong. While something IS wrong...right now, I just needed to know I'm not sitting here alone. I want my loved ones to sleep, however, so I shall sit here and type to the cyber world.

I am sobbing, silently, as Tessa sleeps in a recliner not far from me. I can hear my Dad snoring in the den, with the sound of Hannity in the background. He has once again used that show to bore himself into sleep. While I cannot hear her, I know that Sophie is directly above me, probably curled up next to Orange, awake in her own thoughts. I know that my Abu is sleeping within distance to hear me, but yet, I still feel alone, too worried to wake anyone else. They need sleep, too, right?

I don't know where I am going with this. Just that I'm scared. Scared of living and scare of dying. Scared of staying and scared of leaving. Scared of holding on and scared of letting go. It's not important, I guess.

Ria gave me a couple of ideas to post when I couldn't post,but still wanted to write. For the past hour, I have been working on this. I think I am going to continue this as time permits, I learned several things about myself while composing it. Look for more postings this week, if a guest blogger is needed, there will be one. Someday, I can explain to you all what is going on here. As I said earlier...for now, just trust that I am being well cared for.

1. What time do you get up? Moments after the nightmares wake me.
2. If you could eat lunch with one person, who would it be? Abu and George. Yup.
3. Gold or Silver? Silver.
4. What is your favorite TV show? Gilmore Girls. I’m a sap.
5. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Um. I have no idea. The Wedding Date?
6. What did you have for breakfast? Ice Chips
7. Who would you hate to get stuck in a room with? My Aunt Bonn. There would be blood loss.
8. What/who inspires you? Creative flow inspires me. Who? My family.
9. What is your middle name? Not on your life will I publicly share this.
10. Beach , City or Country? I am my mother’s daughter...beach. Always the beach.
11. Favorite ice cream? Cherry Garcia. Is there any other?
12. Buttered, plain or salted popcorn? Plain with Ranch Dressing powder on top.
13. Favorite color? At the moment...clear.
14. What kind of car do you drive? In America, a Navigator. In Germany, a Volvo.
15. Favorite Sandwich ? Tomato on white bread with salt, pepper, and dash of low-fat mayo.
16. What characteristic do you despise? Lying, to others and to yourself.
17. Favorite flower? Calla lilies and French Tulips
18. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Canada
19 What color is your bathroom? Here, it is black and white. Sara did it, I can’t change it.
20. Favorite brand of clothing? Anything made for the giant in me.
21. Where would you retire to? Somewhere with water and peace.
22. Favorite day of the week? Any day that doesn’t end in Y.
23. Favorite sport to watch? Football. Have you seen the tight ends of the Titans????
24. Where were you born? Newcastle, WY
25. What did you do for your last birthday? I cried with Kay. Christmas really sucks lately.
26. What fabric detergent do you use? Tide, Clean Breeze
27. Coke or Pepsi? Diet Coke with Lime
28. Are you a morning person or a night owl? Both, I think. Sleep isn’t nice anymore.
29. What is your shoe size? It’s in the double digits. Way up there.
30. Do you have any pets?
Zin thinks she owns me. Bella hates me. Orange bites me.


Anonymous Marla said...

Cherry Garcia ice cream? Now you ARE scaring me. I guess our goal would be to sit and eat a whole tub of it together wouldn't it? It just happens to be the bestest ice cream ever made and I don't care how much it costs me to get to it. Sorry I missed you last night sweetie, I'm having an on again off again migraine week and last night it was on with a vengeance, so I went for a nap and never resurfaced. I love you, am praying for you, look forward to bullying you, and can't wait for us to sit down with those two shovels and that huge tub of ice cream. Hang in there, I know you're scared, we are too, so you're not alone.

5:08 PM  
Anonymous Marla said...

Ria, or anyone reading this,

I'm a friend of Shelly's, and I'm very worried about her, I haven't heard from her or Sophie in a week and I'm starting to get a bit frantic. If you ask Shelly or Sophie they'll tell you it's okay to talk to me. Can someone please email me and let me know how she is? My email address is

Thank you

10:15 AM  

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