Sunday, September 11, 2005

Petrified

Never in my life have I felt more loved nor more alone than I do at this time. The past five days of my life haven’t been the toughest that I have dealt with, but they come very close in ranking at the top in the list of toughest times of my life. Thank you for all of your prayers, visits, calls, e-mails, and mail sent during the past few days.

Due to being so loved, we have had a houseful of company. Tessa, Denver, and Dustin made a flying trip here from Boston and will be returning home tomorrow evening. Jane, Ellie, and Rush made the four hour drive to be with us and left for home this evening. Our neighbors have once again showered us with thoughtfulness and love by doing simple chores for us, stocking the freezer with easy to prepare meals, and taking care of the animals during our absence. As my Mom would say, we are so blessed.

Our lives are upside down right now. I can’t share with you the trials we are currently facing, no one could understand. I miss my child, my husband, my life. However, my child is safe right now. My husband is doing what he loves, and my life? Well, my life as I once knew it is over and will never be the same again. I am hurting physically and as Jane stated in a comment left last week, I am hurting emotionally as well. I am trying to hold on to everything I can, but truthfully, the only thing that brings me joy is hearing from my Abu, knowing that someone is fighting as hard as I am, for me, simply because they care about what happens to me.

Tonight, my family and extended family attended a memorial service held at FPBC to honor all 9/11 victims. I had planned on going, had my tribute written, put on the waterproof mascara, but at the last minute, became unable to attend. Everyone else went instead at my insistence. I took the time to draw a bath, turn all the lights off, and cry while sitting in a tub of bubbles. I sat there until they came home, found me sitting in a tub of cold water with no bubbles remaining. As Sophie helped me to blow-dry my hair, she just let me cry and didn’t try to tell me everything is going to work out, that this will not destroy us any further. She knows enough by now to know that nothing is ever going to be all right, never again.

The posts will be erratic this week due to things that are beyond my control. There may even be a guest blogger if life demands it. I can’t control when the next post will be, just know I am aware of how much I am loved and thank you for the prayers.

2 Comments:

Anonymous Jane R. said...

Shelly,

I just spoke with your dad. Please hang in there, it's going to get better. I know that is so easy for me to say and hard for you to believe...but I promise it is going to get better. Please know that we all love you very much and are here for anything you all might need.

Rest, our sweet girl, just rest.

Love,
Jane, Ellie, and Rush

P.S. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BEN! For a few days, we can really call you the older man!

10:50 AM  
Anonymous Tessa & Denver said...

Shelly,

Each day I have called to check on you, knowing you wouldn't be able to look here. With each call, I am told of your hurdles AND of your forward steps. After speaking with your Dad last night, I became concerned that maybe you aren't aware that you have so many people praying and pulling for you. It's hard to believe something you aren't hearing firsthand...I know this is true in the current case as well. This morning, I wanted you to be able to see it in black and white.

I honestly don't understand what is happening, or rather the why. However, I can tell you that I know you can do this. In your heart, you think you cannot...but I know that with the help of those that love you so much you can.
You have so many people praying for you, sending waves of good thoughts, and loving you, no matter the distance...you can do this.

We love you, Shelly. It's going to improve, I promise.

In God's Peace,
Tessa & Denver

11:22 AM  

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