Sunday, August 07, 2005

Solar

In a few hours, the majority of my family will load into three vehicles and set out on a 1500 mile journey that will be complete only after Sophie and I join them on Monday evening. Kay will be flown separately tomorrow afternoon. Sophie and I will have (hopefully) arrived in time to meet her incoming flight and will join the rest of the family at my parent’s home in East Boston. To those of you who were unable to make it to the funeral, but instead have voiced the urge to join us at the burial on Tuesday, we welcome you with open arms.

We have made it thru a very emotional four-hour visitation service, several thousand hugs, and countless tears. We made it thru a very touching service yesterday morning, an eventful reception, and a night of catching up with distant friends who have flown from all across the land to express their sympathies. Our hardest times still lay ahead however, beginning with the burial of my Aunt Kay and ending with our journey as we figure out how to go on, yet again. (Side note: If one more person tells me that Kay is in a better place, I’m going to start throwing punches. Yes, she is in a better place, but our place just got a hell of a lot worse. I have nothing else to say on that line of thinking. I may sound rational at the moment, but I’m falling apart and I’m angry, so please don’t tell me how she is in a better place, just save us both pain, okay?)

This week has been one of the hardest times of my life. I have been knocked breathless, kicked in the stomach, and have fallen to my knees at the events that have occurred this week. Certain actions have taken place this week that should have never been voiced, much less acted on. Out of the respect for my Aunt Sophie and for the sake of my Dad’s sanity, I have respected their wishes that I not take the matter into my own hands. However, alongside of Kay’s death, I have just now, this late in my life, learned that you can lose someone who hasn’t died and it is very close to the same heartbreak of losing someone to death. I have lost respect for people this week and been sadly let down by actions taken against my family. My Mom and Dad raised me to stand before what I truly loved and not allow further harm to come to anyone involved. This week, harm has come and I will not stand for it. I don’t know exactly how to handle it and right now, am not in the rational state of mind to take care of it, but I promise you, no one will hurt my family like this ever again. I just won’t let it happen. None of us are strong enough to go thru any of this again.

I’ve tried to write this in my head several times throughout the course of yesterday evening and this morning and I wanted to write it just as sounds in my head, but I don’t know if I can. It is clear to me now, just how very much our Kay was and always will be loved. Her funeral was simply breathtaking. Every word that was spoken was from the heart from those that love her very much. Each song that was played or vocalized was a pure tribute to Kay and impact she had (and always will have) on our lives. At some point, I will be posting the songs that were played and the words that were spoken, but for now, I would like to just share the words to one that speaks volumes and was exactly how Kay felt as she faced her final days with us.

Ready to Fly-FFH
I've been here grounded far too long
I'm ready to see the open wide
Ready to sing a different song
I've seen my troubles 'long the way
I want to sail towards the sun
I want to turn another page
I'm on my way


I'm ready to fly,
I'm ready to soar
I'm ready to leave this world behind.
I'm ready to open up the door
I'm ready to fly,
I'm ready to spread my wings across the sky
I think it's time
I'm ready to go
I'm ready to fly.


You've told me I could rise above
Like an eagle on the wind
I can glide upon Your love
But I feel the pull of gravity
And it's a weight upon my shoulders
I can't stay here any longer
I've gotta be free


I'm ready to fly,
I'm ready to soar
I'm ready to leave this world behind.
I'm ready to open up the door
I'm ready to fly,
I'm ready to spread my wings across the sky
I think it's time
I'm ready to go
I'm ready to fly.


And it's been so long
Since I’ve seen the bright morning sun
Through the early morning horizon
And it's been so long
Since I’ve felt the air under my wings
And seen all of these things from above


I'm ready to fly,
I'm ready to soar
I'm ready to leave this world behind.
I'm ready to open up the door I'm ready to fly,
I'm ready to spread my wings across the sky
I think it's time
I'm ready to go
I'm ready to fly.

1 Comments:

Blogger ria said...

Shelly,
One more day. I'm here. Remember what I said, ok.
~Abu

10:19 PM  

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