Saturday, August 13, 2005


After a very long, painful, and emotional week, we have returned to Missouri. I would love to be able to tell you that we are coping, but the truth is, we aren’t. We are simply trying to exist right now, and coping is too much to ask of us. We drove straight thru and arrived home yesterday evening. To say that we are tired would be a laugh. We are exhausted and have taken today to just be. Simply just be here.

Kay’s burial . . . I can’t find the words needed right now. Let’s just say I don’t want to ever do this ever again. Being back at the family home in Boston was very hard, it felt like my Mom was everywhere, no matter where I looked I could see her, feel her, hear her. This was not as comforting as it sounds and haunts my heart as I think about it now.

I have so much to say, and I’m too tired to say any of them right now. However, I’ve had so many e-mails wanting to know how we are doing, I thought it would be best if I just updated so everyone knows where we are. I will be updating several times in the next three days, I have so much to say and I’m sure it will be jumbled, but needs to be said.

I don’t have any song lyrics tonight, nor any photos to express what is going on here, but I would like to leave you with something that was said to me this week and I am trying to cling to it as I fight to find a reason to wake up again.

"Often the real test of courage is not to die, but to live."
- Conte Vittorio Alfieri


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