Monday, July 25, 2005

Nothing

I’m posting this because I feel you all need to know where things are at tonight. As I said in the previous posting, Kay has declined any further transfusions. However, last night she began to cough up blood and agreed to going in for transfusion reasons only. We were at the hospital with Kay in the early morning hours due to her inability to form blood clots. She needed two platelet transfusions and one blood transfusion in order to get things under control and her blood levels stable enough to come home (which is where she insisted on being).

We did have the chance to speak with her oncologist at great length. Our greatest fears were confirmed. I am enclosing a copy of the e-mail that another family member composed for Aunt Sophie so that you will know exactly what I am trying so hard to say and just can’t.

July 25, 2005
Our Dear Friends/Family,

First, thank you all for the emails, letters, and phone calls concerning Kay. All are very much appreciated, and it is helpful to know that we have so many wonderful friends/family in our lives who love us, who love Kay.

This is a very difficult time, and a very difficult email to write, so please forgive me if this is brief and to the point. You are all so deserving of individual responses unfortunately I/we have not the time, to do that right now. I apologize for the impersonal manner in which you are finding out this news, I wish I had time to tell each of you in person, and then again, I wish I had better news to tell you. Sadly, this is not the case.

We were told this morning by Kay’s oncologist that Kay’s time with us is very short. We have mere days, most probably she will receive her wings and be flying home with the angels by the end of this week. I, we, would like to ask that you please pray for her. Please, as hard as this is to say, I’m sure this is as hard to hear. We are asking that you please pray that this happens quickly for her. While I/we are not, nor are any of us ready to say goodbye to her, it is only out of Love and wanting to spare her from suffering that I/we ask this of you. Prayers for strength for all of us who are caring for her, would be very much appreciated as well.

I/we regret that I/we were unable to contact many of you sooner. It was Kay’s wish that it be this way. I/we are sorry if this hurts you, please know, I am letting you know now because you are so important to us, and for whatever Kay’s reasoning, we are doing our best to honor her wishes.

As far as visits go, there is so much going on, her care is consuming, please trust that we are doing all we can to make this as painless as possible for her, and her wishes are being followed.

I/we will be in touch when we can. Again, I’m so sorry that you are finding out like this, and your prayers mean so much to us.

With Love,
Sophie, Ben, & Shelly

I don’t have many other words to add, and the e-mail says it all. I was given the gift of two songs today, two songs that sum up life pretty well right now. A portion of each appears below:

This Is a Call
Thousand Foot Krutch
"She fooled all of her friends into thinking she's so strong
But she still sleeps with the light on
And she acts like it's all right on, as she smiles again
And her mother lies there sick with cancer
And her friends don't understand her
She's a question without answers
Who feels like falling apart.
She knows, she's so much more than worthless
She needs to find a purpose,
She wonders what she did to deserve this."

Sometimes He Calms the Storm
Scott Krippayne
"Sometimes He calms the storm
With a whispered peace be still
He can settle any sea
But it doesn't mean He will
Sometimes He holds us close
And lets the wind and waves go wild
Sometimes He calms the storm
And other times He calms His child."

For those of you that have offered to help me with the photo project, thank you. It’s been placed on the back burner for now, but is something that I need to do. (Also, I understand I posted the wrong address for Flickr, but HERE is the corrected link.)

That’s all I have. I have nothing left to offer. I can’t make the tears stop in order to type any other words.

3 Comments:

Anonymous Tessa & Denver said...

Shelly,

I honestly don't know what to say right now. Denver and I are leaving Thursday afternoon, we should be there by Friday mid-morning. Hang on to whatever you can right now, Shelly.

When you called last night, my heart sank. Somehow, I guess I just thought this would change. Our prayers remain with all of you as you face this, yet again.

We will be there soon.

In God's Love,
Tessa & Denver

11:29 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Shelly,

I wish there were words to make this easier for all of you, but if there are, I can't find them. Please know that you're all in my heart and prayers.

With love,
Marla

2:51 PM  
Anonymous Jane R. said...

Shelly Ben, Sophie, and most of all, Kay:

Our prayers are with you all and yet, it doesn't seem like nearly enough. Tessa has kept me updated daily on how Kay is doing as well as how the three of you are doing. Please know that someone is praying for you all at all times and I find great comfort in the fact that your Mother is watching over all of us right now.

Ellie, Rush, and I will be there on Saturday to help out in any manner that we can. If you need anything before then, do not hesitate to pick up the phone, we can be there in a few hours.

We love you all.

Jane, Ellie, and Rush

3:26 PM  

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