Friday, June 24, 2005

Choices


As always, so much has happened since my last post that I am not quite sure where to begin. I hope you all have taken a look at this post and have taken the time to listen to the song mentioned. As someone told me a few nights ago . . . "I needed to know what it was like to be held." So do I, Rene’, so do I.

Since my entry one week ago, a lifetime of change has happened. My Aunt Sophie lost her Aunt suddenly and flew to Utah on Sunday with much prompting to be with her family for the funeral services. I know it was extremely hard for her to get on that flight, but I know it was something she needed to do for closure. A very close family friend, Bear, accompanied her on the flight and ended up returning with her on Tuesday and stayed throughout today. We are grateful for his willingness to come support us at this time. Thank you, Bear.

Kay ended up going back to the hospital on Tuesday and remained there until this afternoon. She initially went in to have fluid removed that was pooling near her heart and lungs. She is struggling with some news that was handed down after the procedure. She is also coming to terms on a decision that was made on Saturday.

This decision has rocked our family, broken our hearts, and brought us to our knees, but in our hearts, we know it is best. Kay is not responding as hoped to chemotherapy nor to radiation. Due to all of the complications in her treatment plan, there have been several delays in treatment. Her last set of scans revealed several areas of cancer that were not noted on the mid-treatment scans nor on the pre-treatment scans. As some of you may or may not know, Kay has a secondary cancer of undetermined origin. This cancer resides solely in her bone marrow. On Tuesday it was also discovered that the fluid in her chest cavity was not fluid, but a solid mass.

On Saturday morning, Kay signed herself into hospice care. It was not an easy choice for any of us, especially for my Aunt Kay or my Aunt Sophie. We fully support Kay’s choice and only want the next few weeks of her life to be as painless as possible. The past week has brought to surface many, many memories that I believed I had blocked well enough to never remember them again. We are all struggling with this, but our hearts know that this is best for Kay. We rejoice in the fact that there will be a day in the upcoming future that she will join my Mom and my Sister and many other beautiful Angels. We are saddened that we will need to release her in order to do that.

It has been a very difficult week. On Wednesday, I decided I needed to see both my husband and my child so I began a whirlwind trip to Ohio. I did get to see Emily for a few hours and Alex drove back with me late last night. We drove straight to the hospital to be with Kay this morning. He will be here for a few days and then Emily will arrive with her grandparents. Right now, I can’t place my focus on her, she needs to be with people who can. Her Nonny and Poppy have filled that role with amazing love. I know she is very well taken care of when she is with them, not to mention spoiled rotten. Someday, I pray she understands why Mommy missed so much of her life.

Kay is finally resting. Evenings and nightfall are very bad for her as she is experiencing drastic degrees of sundowning. It takes about six hours to get her to place of calmness in which she can sleep. We are trying some new medications and are praying to God that they work as she just needs to find a working combination or the next few weeks will be hell for her.

I wish this post had a more cheery tone, but truthfully, as I type this I am sitting here sobbing. I’m not sure I can pull off cheery.

2 Comments:

Anonymous Tessa & Denver said...

Shelly,

Please know that we love you, each of you, with all of our hearts. I don't have firsthand experience of how hard this is, I can only imagine.

What I do have firsthand experience in is the love that your family shares with each other. It is true love that you are able to cope with everything that has been thrown at your family.

I know in my heart, you will do what is best for Kay at this time. Your number one priority is Kay and should be followed with the number two priority of taking care of yourselves.

Denver and I are making some changes to our vacation so we can be of help to you. I will call again tonight to see how things are going. We love you.

In God's Peace,
Tessa & Denver

1:33 PM  
Blogger Penny said...

I am not sure how I came to find you, but I can't tell you what it means to me that you are sharing this story and how happy I am that I found you tonight, just now. Please know that your story is helping others and I will pray hard for your Kay. I am so sorry that you and yours have to go through this.

11:05 PM  

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